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Joke of the Day
"I used to think an ocean of soda existed. Turns out it was just Fanta sea."
Next Joke
"What do you get when you cross hot chicks coming and going, a camera, a guy known for his explosion scenes, and a douche? Possible Transformers sequel."
"Why did the 16 year old Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to go home and do an essay."
"I'm not saying Ellen Pao is Hitler but.. I haven't seen the two of them in the same room.."
"Was at a pretty emotional wedding last week... ... Even the cake was in tiers!"
"I have a french gun for sale from WW1. In excellent condition. Never been used and only dropped once."
"How can you tell if a woman is faking an orgasm? Who cares"
"Every day I spend a few hours on a running track. Next week I might even turn it on."
"Joke from my 4 year old granddaughter... ""Knock Knock""... Me: who's there? Her: Orange Me: Orange Who? Her: Orange glad I didn't say Police!"
"[Me narrating a documentary on guerrilla warfare] And here's more footage of people, but I'm sure apes will be in this film any minute now.."