134737

Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time someone goes to the toilet take 4 shots"

"I got a new job! I got a great new job working for The Mint. I'm gonna make so much money! Also steal a bunch."

"A reddit Moderator told me I have to flair my post.... So I replied, ""Well, that's only flair."""

"Turkey bacon is a lot like normal bacon except that IT'S NOT AND IT NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HELL, WHERE IT CAME FROM."

"[One liner] How do you make an archaeolgist mad? Give him a bloody tampon and ask him what period its from."

"[wife looking at sketch of donut burglar on the news] ""he looks like you"" [me holding huge glass of milk on way to basement] it's not though"

"*pulls out earbud* What? ""We need to talk."" *pulls out earbud* ""You've been spending too much time at Chernobyl."" *pulls out earbud* No way"

"No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby."

"What do you call tities in the middle of your beer? Better."

"Did you hear about the guy that shits out jars? He's a real glasshole, that guy"