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Joke of the Day

"A husband says to his wife... ""What would you do if I won the lottery?"". She replied ""I'd take half, then leave you."" ""Excellent!"", he retorted, ""I won 12, here's 6, now fuck off""."

"Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me."

"Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change."

"Giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails."

"Looking forward to the time when my level of awkwardness becomes socially acceptable."

"Held a newborn baby, was asked if I wanted one. Laughed & laughed all the way to the bar, where I can go because I don't have a baby. So no."

"My dad always warned me about anal sex He said son this is gonna hurt"

"Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities."

"What do you say to a woman with one black eye? Nothing, you've already told her."

"My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress. It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all."