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Joke of the Day

"My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I said, ""Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"""

"I bet rocket scientists are conceited bastards. ""YOU CALL THIS A MARTINI? THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE DAMMIT! I WOULD KNOW!"""

"Unfortunately..... Nobody wants to have sex with your inner beauty."

"The leading cause of depression is reality."

"Say what you will about pedophiles... ...but they do slow down in school zones!"

"Why did Medusa order pizza? Her boyfriend was stoned."

"I work in a popular hotel... I see people come in to stay from all over the world, yet for some reason I've never seen a Native American here. I guess they just don't like to make reservations."

"Interviewer: Have you worked in a fertility clinic before? Me: No [nervous because it's my 1st interview] Me: But I used to be an embryo"

"What was the stressed out toddler diagnosed with? Diapertension"

"A Comprehensive Guide on How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ??? 4. Prophet."