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Joke of the Day

"Why did Medusa order pizza? Her boyfriend was stoned."

"Between the Boko Haram schoolgirl abductions and the recent Malaysia Airlines incidents... I'm starting to doubt if we'll ever see an intact black box ever again."

"Two things I hate: This joke, And things that are meta."

"Well quit blocking my knife if you don't like being stabbed in the hands."

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go."

"Girl, you must be the cure for osteoporosis cuz I'm definitely gaining bone density."

"On your resume under skills it says pickpocket? Is that right? (interviewer looks up) (he is wearing only underwear and I'm gone)"

"M: HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS? H: FFS, use your inside voice M: *whispers* did you remember condoms? H: can this wait til after mass?"

"So today I found out I have Alzheimer's disease... But on the bright side, at least I don't have Alzheimer's disease."

"Knock Knock... Who's there? To. To who? To whom*"