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Joke of the Day

"You the bomb. No, you the bomb. A compliment in America. An argument in the Middle East."

"WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear."

"Did you hear about the man who got AIDS? He was fucked."

"I haven't been doing so well at the poop assembly line... My manager said if I don't pull my shit together soon I'll be fired."

"When I was your age... When I was your age, before the Internet, there was none of this e-bola. We just had plain bola. And you know what? We were thankful."

"Its all shits and giggles. Until someone giggles and shits."

"What did Sherlock ask his friend when he wanted to know what they were having for dinner? Watson the menu"

"I went to the doctor today for a prostate exam. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, until I realized both his hands were on my shoulders."

"maybe she's born with it, maybe it's compulsive engagement in pleasurable habits despite their negative consequences"

"I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag."