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Joke of the Day

"I made a movie about freezing time I showed it to some people, but they thought it was just a picture. It's 3 hours and 27 minutes long...if you don't pause"

"Mom I forgot. Am I special or unique? No son. You're retarded."

"9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge... It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry."

"How long did Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion have to wait for the Tin Man? Ten minutes."

"The scariest Halloween costume this year will be 'sexy' Kim Davis... Glasses, Crystal Gayle wig, and an ugly blue jumper with nothing underneath."

"I was shocked when I found out just how many techno songs Steven Hawking sings on."

"Have you heard of the new birth control for men? put a rock in your shoe and it will make you limp"

"My girlfriend just text me that she really hates periods... I told her without them, life would just be one long run-on-sentence"

"Q: What did one tomato say to the other? A: Catch up."

"What do you call a Sandwich with legs? Bready Legs"