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Joke of the Day

"9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge... It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry."

"Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly."

"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly."

"Know how to tell the sex of an ant? Throw it in water! If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats... buoyant."

"A ship full of red paint crashes into a island... The sailors were marooned."

"True story I was listing all the TV shows I like to a friend. When I got to ""Psych"", he thought I was just kidding about all the previous shows."

"Just named my dog Naked. Now im going to walk naked down the street eveyday."

"What do you call a terrible Nature Valley bar? Crummy"

"Why was the medicine man for bald eagles arrested? He was selling ill-eagle drugs."

"A conversation I had with an abusive child philosopher >ACP: What is love? >Me: Baby, don't hurt me."