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Joke of the Day

"Who sings ""Love me tender"" and makes Christmas toys? Santa's little Elvis."

"Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 22 one to screw it in 21 to shoot the bulb."

"Debt collector are so persistent they never leave you a loan"

"I got a text today It read: You have won 500 or the chance to see an Elvis impersonator show!!! Reply 1 for the money, 2 for the show."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? ...'Cause I wore the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"Coming Out Girl: Dad Dad: yeah? Girl; I have Bad News Dad: What Is It Sweetie?? Girl: I'm A Lesbian... Dad: Ok... Other Sister: I'm Lesbian Too Dad: Does Anyone In This Family Like Boys!!! Son; I Do"

"Autocorrect: Can't live with it, can't live meow it."

"Whenever I'm about to get in a bar fight, I give a karate bow to my opponent in hopes he gets scared and backs out before I piss myself."

"Protip: If a party guest says ""I don't dance"" what he's really telling you is ""make my drinks stronger please""."

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change cuz I don't want to get up and find the remote."