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Joke of the Day

"Protip: If a party guest says ""I don't dance"" what he's really telling you is ""make my drinks stronger please""."

"Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it."

"How much does a Human shield cost? One life"

"Wife asks why I'm packing condoms Wife asks: ""Why are you packing condoms for a sailing trip with 10 guys?"" I'm saying ""Just in case."" Now I'm traveling with a bigger case."

"Time travel jokes never get old."

"Why are hunters good love-makers? They always go deep in the bush, they can shoot more than once, and eat what they shoot."

"*comes home from poker night earlier than usual looks at wife while picking up the dog and leaves without saying anything*"

"There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps."

"Do dogs know about light switches? Or do they think we all just have personalities that literally light up a room?"

"did you hear about the gay, cannibal pirate? apparently, he loved the taste of seamen."