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Joke of the Day

"I got a text today It read: You have won 500 or the chance to see an Elvis impersonator show!!! Reply 1 for the money, 2 for the show."

"What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common? Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated."

"I, for one, like Roman numerals."

"Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let's try to leave better kids for our planet."

"I just yelled ""Where's the baby?!"" while holding the baby. I can't believe it was legal for me to reproduce."

"Just farted loudly outside my office before checking to see if anyone was nearby. Nobody was. It's called the #edge, & I am #livin on it"

"I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too."

"What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together? The clap."

"What's brown and sticky? My Beyonce calendar."

"What's the difference between tired and exhausted? When you run in front of a car, you get tired When you run behind a car, you get exhausted."