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Joke of the Day

"6: I'm going outside to play. Me: Stay in your own yard. 6: Define ""my own yard"" Me: .... have fun. So her mother's child."

"i've fallen out of my fair share of windows in my time and lets be honest, glass and air look basically the same"

"My childhood was pretty traumatizing... for my parents."

"What's it like to have sex with a retard? SLOW and SPECIAL"

"What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone."

"[restaurant] DATE: Tell me something naughty about you ME: Sure [loudly chewing a steak] I haven't brought any money"

"It's important to know your neighbors by name. For instance, ""Mr. Mean Old Man"" and his wife, ""Screamy""."

"I am busy contemplating my future. Don't worry, this will only take a minute."

"idk about you but I still remember what I was doing when I found out Kennedy had been shot: sitting at home, reading the JFK Wikipedia page"

"For a tennis player, what is the perfect crime? Racketeering"