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Joke of the Day

"Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there."

"Smokey The Bear is the narc version of Yogi Bear."

"[watches you eat my bday cake] ""I've poisoned that."" ""Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?"" [leans in & winks] ""Poison."""

"What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend? They both let me stick it in only one place."

"I got food poisoning... Not sure when I'm a gonna use it."

"This may be one all of you have heard, but what do Eric Clapton and coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream."

"There are days & nights where I'm surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house."

"To be honest, Adolf Hitler was a hero... Afterall, he was the one who killed Adolf Hitler."

"What do frogs deal? Croakaine"

"You know why Santa has so big balls? He only comes ones a year."