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Joke of the Day

"There are days & nights where I'm surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house."

"What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom? ""Sorry, I http"""

"What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables? Lettuce pray they turnip."

"A man has undergone the first successful hand transplant in the UK. Doctors say he can move his fingers, but still doesn't have any feeling. Also, he won't come out of the bathroom for some reason."

"What did Hitler invest his money in hand sanitizer? It kills 99.9% of Germs."

"I'm not an expert on masturbating But I hold my own"

"Doctor: Open your mouth (inserts tongue depressor) Me: Mmm, this tastes good. Dr: You should have tasted it when the Popcicle was on it!"

"What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl? ""Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy"""

"What do you call three cars overtaking you in Mexico? Tres-passers."

"It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant."