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Joke of the Day

"When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams."

"I'm going to a costume party as jesus. What are some good jesus party quotes I can use?"

"I was being recruited for suicide bombing... I asked the recruiter, ""what are the perks of being a suicide bomber?"" And he replied, ""well, for starters, you get to go all over the place!"""

"Did you hear about Kanye West's son changing his name to South? He felt he his life needed a change of direction."

"Why was the baseball player arrested? He was involved in a hit-and-run."

"What did one stoplight say to the other stoplight? Don't look! I'm changing!"

"Just when I thought life couldn't get any harder... I accidentally take Viagra for my migraine."

"I went to an archery range. I shot a lot of targets in arrow."

"Do you know why you should never boil vegetables? Because the wheelchair might rust"

"Why is Peter pan always flying? Because he neverlands"