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Joke of the Day
"I could literally eat every day and not get sick of it."
Next Joke
"Why did the vulture fly United Airlines? Because they allow 1 free carrion"
"WHY DID HITLER COMMIT SUICIDE? Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he saw his gas bill."
"A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant: - I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening. The sergeant examines the mug and says: - You are right. And besides this it has no bottom."
"Why wasn't Cinderella good at sports? Because her coach was a pumpkin"
"That scene from Jurassic Park where the T-Rex is breathing heavily up against the jeep glass, except its me at the hotdog display in 7/11"
"Why is it impossible to argue with Trump? Because the Earth's rotation automatically makes a circle jerk out of him"
"I was going to be an Operatic Singer Before they threw me out of the hospital."
"oh hey mom. no i'm just Skyping with my girlfriend. what do you mean am i just playing a Vine of a girl saying i love you over and over"
"Dentist: How often do you floss? Me: Daily Dentist: *Pulls fully grown centaur from between my 2nd and 3rd molars*"