128011

Joke of the Day

"That scene from Jurassic Park where the T-Rex is breathing heavily up against the jeep glass, except its me at the hotdog display in 7/11"

"My friend owns a zoo... My friend owns a zoo but the only animal is a tiny dog... Its a Shitzu"

"What do you call a magic door? Dumbledoor!"

"While my husband is gone I was cleaning...the Nutella jar. He will be impressed at how I gained 10lbs in 4hrs."

"A black man and a Mexican are in a car , who's driving it ? The Police"

"I lost my mood ring... I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about this."

"Why you don't ask grandma sex questions I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"Bigger Breasts Wife: ""How can I make my breasts bigger?"" Husband: ""Just rub toilet paper between them"" Wife: ""Why would that work?"" Husband: ""It worked on your butt"""

"Are trees really necessary? They seem kind of arbor-trary."

"Twitter should have "" Throwing tomato"" button."