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Joke of the Day

"That scene from Jurassic Park where the T-Rex is breathing heavily up against the jeep glass, except its me at the hotdog display in 7/11"

"What are 3 things you can't give a black man? A fat lip, A black eye and, a job. I had too.."

"Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava but only once"

"Had a conversation with my ex-wife over a drink this afternoon. It was cordial."

"I'm scared to go to sleep tonight knowing some maniac is running around out there slightly deflating footballs."

"Old enough -Mom I'm finally 15, can I have a boyfriend? -No. -Can I use high Heels? -No. -Can I use a mini skirt? -No. -But why? -Because you're a man, Bob."

"What does the horny scientist call a lobotomy? Getting head"

"When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself ""what would the hulk do?"" Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!"

"Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work."

"Change is hard. I mean, have you ever tried to bend a quarter?"