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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left leg and arm in a car crash? He's all right now."
Next Joke
"So you kill them with kindness but then what do you do with the bodies WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE BODIES SO MANY BODIES OH GOD"
"Do you want to be the greatest superhero of all? Be Alfredo and take out the damn trash. Just told my son this, he hates me now."
"Saw a group of ants carrying a Funyun and it made me wish my friends and I had a giant Funyun."
"Girls use lotion for hands Boys use lotion for skin."
"Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer? He liked wearing scarves before it got cool."
"My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister. Like it's my fault they're conjoined."
"The last time I was involved in sexual intercourse was when I was a sperm."
"Numerators can recover the fastest from break-ups. They're always over it."
"Babies are like tattoos. They're yours forever and maybe wait a few days before posting pictures of them so they're not all gross looking."