77087

Joke of the Day

"Babies are like tattoos. They're yours forever and maybe wait a few days before posting pictures of them so they're not all gross looking."

"""I loves hows you've done me spinach Doc!"" Popeye tells his host. Hannibal winks. ""The secret is to add a bit of Olive Oil."""

"Back in my day, we didn't have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums."

"When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? When he is standing next to your lady saying her hair smells nice."

"I've got a 100 question vocab quiz this friday on 9/11... Well I guess I'm gonna bomb it"

"Why did the farmer fire the DJ? Because he kept on dropping beets."

"Me: Why am I suddenly sick? Friend: Probably the change in the Weather [earlier] Weather: *uncharacteristically puts poison in my coffee*"

"Hey did you know a new medication came out for depressed lesbians? Tridixigin"

"What did Disney call their remake of Dante's Inferno? 101 damnations"

"One thing I learned about sex. Before you do it, always, always, always make sure to.. ask. edit: not my joke. i forgot who i heard it from. english comedian."