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Joke of the Day

"Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer? He liked wearing scarves before it got cool."

"Everyone is like happy 2016 and Apple is like: Happy 2015s!"

"What do the Syrian refugees and water have in common? They both keep trying to get on our shores...."

"I really hate arguments about fractions. They're divisive."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in 6mths, I don't like to interrupt her."

"What do you call a fake noodle? ...*dramatic pause*... An imPASTA!"

"My answer to everything today will be FUCK YOU, I'M AN ANTEATER!"

"What should we call this giant advertising board? Phil: A philboard Bill: I have a better idea"

"My favorite sex position is the JFK... I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"Before Twitter, I used to be stupid in the privacy of my own mind."