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Joke of the Day

"Do you want to be the greatest superhero of all? Be Alfredo and take out the damn trash. Just told my son this, he hates me now."

"If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it's working."

"You know what I love about world history? ... It's a long story"

"What's so great about having sex while camping? Its fucking in tents!"

"Boris Johnson? Isn't he the man that sounds like he's on his way to pub, or has just made his way back from it?"

"nobody, nobody, nobody likes the guy who's suspiciously knowledgeable about age of consent laws"

"Waitress: would you like another drink? Me: Are you new?"

"My mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and I all currently have diarrhea. Runs in the family."

"I like my cream like I like my slaves Whipped"

"The most terrifying sentence in the world. ""I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."" -RR"