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Joke of the Day

"A police officer pulls over a speeding car.. The cop said to the driver, ""Ha! I've been waiting for someone like you all day!"". The driver replied, ""Well, I got here as fast as I could!"""

"what do my ex and my toilet have in common? They both keep bringing up old shit"

"Donald Trump is one of those people you would never let be the banker in a Monopoly game"

"*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food."

"I'm going to kiss every guy I see with a ""Kiss me, I'm Irish"" shirt in hopes that they'll never wear that shirt again."

"What's the diffrence between a girl in a church and a girl in a bath? The girl in a church has a soul full of hope and the girl in a bath has, well... EDIT: better structure."

"So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?"

"What is the media of choice for the mallard? **DUCK TAPE!!!** lololololololol-- *cough cough* --lololololol"

"Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks"

"There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell."