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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to kiss every guy I see with a ""Kiss me, I'm Irish"" shirt in hopes that they'll never wear that shirt again."

"I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette"

"Calm down R&B singers nearing the end of your songs"

"""Hey man what happened to you, you look like you've been in a fight?"" - ""You should see the other guy..."" ""He was fucking huge, I didn't stand a chance"""

"[NSFW]A more honest retelling of John F. Kennedy's famous quote on lunar exploration. ""We choose to go to the moon, and Marilyn Monroe's bedroom, because it is easy and because I am hard."" JFK - 1961."

"Mute goes to a wedding... After the ceremony he won't let go of his dick and everyone's a little put off by his public display. With his free hand, he signs ""Speak now or forever hold your peace""."

"Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream."

"Him: Are you gonna kill me? Me: WHAT? Him: Your mood swings. I figured today's the day I die. Me: Him: *whispers* Please don't hurt me."

"Did you know that the word ""suns"" upside down is still ""suns""?"

"Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."