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Joke of the Day

"I dress up as a Girl Scout for my boyfriend, but just so we can practice our elaborate cookie heist."

"I've always been the kind of person who likes to think outside of the box. Although it has harmed my career as a goalkeeper."

"Had a very hot curry last night and now my asshole is on fire ... I'm suffering from deja vindaloo."

"I opened a door for a girl, but then the crowd flow never stopped so I've been holding this door open for 3 days. Send help."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anybody can roast beef, but it takes a special skill to pea soup."

"A man desperately clings to reality as he laid on his mothers grave. Another man walks by and says ""Good mourning!"""

"How to make money on youtube? Step 1. Submit a false claim Step 2. Collect that money Step 3. ???? Step 4. Massive profit for doing nothing"

"Pregnant coworker with 3 children who always complains about money: When are YOU going to start having kids? Me: When are you going to stop?"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? you can't fuck a rock"

"MUST HAVE BEFORE WATCHING THE CONJURING : - Bible - iBible iPhone app - Holy Water - Priest - Jesus - 5 Jesus necklaces - Holy Spirt"