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Joke of the Day

"How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries."

"Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window. If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in."

"Life isn't about winning and losing. It's about wishing you would have won and wondering why you lost."

"ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'"

"I ordered a horse from a rancher, but got a mule. Seems he half-assed it..."

"So my dog told me it was into BDSM So I tied it up and turned on the vacuum cleaner"

"How do you know when your wife is having an orgasm? when you come home from work and see my car in your driveway....."

"I didn't use to eat babies. I still don't. I just didn't use to as well."

"Mr Monster: Oi hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands."

"Who do you think the scariest POTUS was? I'd have to say Rushmore, considering he had four heads."