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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday."

"Me: I don't think Grinding Dory is appropriate for the kids. Wife: I said FINDING DORY & we need to discuss your internet usage."

"What's the difference between Christianity and Judaism? Christians pay for their sins"

"What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times? Two octopuses shaking hands."

"How do supernatural entities cum? They have poltergasms"

"I was having trouble starting my Venn Diagram... But now it's all coming together."

"My daughter said she was in a memoir. I was intrigued until I realized what she said was meme war. Whatever tickles your fancy, Love."

"Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share."

"There is nothing funny about menstruation jokes... Period."

"A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. ""Holy F**k"" she screams ""and you want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb?!"""