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Joke of the Day

"I finished a burrito 5 minutes ago and I wish there was more. I now understand every Taylor Swift song."

"Why can't bikes stand up on their own? They are two tired."

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"What do you call a boat that won't float? Bloated."

"I'd like to think that halfway through Nicole Kidman's last name there's a tiny bar mitzvah."

"Why did the stand up comic quit comedy to become a obstetrician? He needed to work on his delivery."

"I take my wife everywhere... And she still finds her way home"

"I had no idea Instagram was down until a girl in front of me at Starbucks cancelled her order, saying ""Instagram is down it's useless"""

"JUST ONE MORE STD TILL I'M OFFICIALLY A JERSEY SHORE MEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What happens when two smurfs are in love? They smuck"