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Joke of the Day

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"I pushed a hipster down the stairs today... He's still Tumbling!"

"Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of Muesli? He was pulled under by a strong currant"

"Just think of the money we could have saved with Hillary. We would have saved 24% by hiring a woman."

"Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I'm just gonna shake their soda"

"Me: Diets suck. Why I gotta do it too? Her: No I in team Me: Isn't 1 in diet either. Her: Yes there.. Me: I'm too hungry for your mindgames!"

"Sometimes my memory is not quite as good as my forgettery."

"Parents: Don't let your kids get fake tattoos. Get 'em get real deal prison ink & teach 'em something about this shit called LIFE."

"I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one."

"What's purple and chained to my front porch? That's my nigger and I'll paint him whatever color I want!"