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Joke of the Day

"Quick! Everyone on Facebook is at church! Let's go steal all their shit!"

"A man enters a store and asks for a color printer, the cashier asks ""What color?"""

"I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80s bands... Apparently there's no Cure."

"My business is awkward smiles and poorly executed high-fives, and business is good."

"How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want? Tentickles."

"What do you call a dirty Jew? Alive."

"""I feel like a failure, doc. I've got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets"" ""Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I've ever seen!"""

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision, guys."

"My family's going to be here soon. Quick, hide my body."

"I'm going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep"