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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep"

"Did you hear they finally published that book about clocks? It's about time."

"I hate how every single day my ex wife just keeps waking up!"

"My wife's cooking is so bad.... We pray to God after the meal"

"I wish I was an elevator... Because maybe then my wife would go down on me :c"

"Why did the console peasants walk across the road? To render the building on the other side."

"How do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos."

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, then they'd be called bagels!"

"Why did the male spider spin a web? So he could catch all the fly ladies."

"My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl's house after watching ""How I Met Your Mother"" with her."