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Joke of the Day

"[right after my lie detector test] -Make sure that machine shows I've had plenty of the sex ""Sir that's not what it does- -I SAID MAKE SURE"

"Two gay guys went out for a night on the town without any cash. It was an unfunded mandate."

"How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard? They'll tell you."

"I heard you like Wendy's?.... When DEEZ nuts in your mouth!"

"What's green and flies over Poland? Snotzis."

"This is where I draw the line! ________________________________________________________"

"How do you prevent a canoe from tipping? Paint it black."

"i just sighed so hard that i blew out a candle that was 2 feet away from me. tragic."

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"I have a MASSIVE heroine problem... I'm addicted to fat women who save my life."