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Joke of the Day

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"Friends are like steaks If you grill them for long enough, they become rare"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. An explanation please?"

"i like how at the end of old movies it says the end' so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved"

"once you go black... you're a single mother"

"I like my women like I like my coffee.... ground up and in the freezer."

"I am in my truest form when the food comes at a restaurant and I side-eye plates, suspicious that everyone got more fries than I did."

"""HIV"" is trending above ""Grammys"" because AIDS is better than the ""music"" that was nominated."

"When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them."

"Customer: Why did you take off so much hair? Barber: I didn't nature beat me to it."