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Joke of the Day

"I'm so down on my luck right now, that I can't even afford to change out light bulbs when they burn out... Things don't look so bright"

"What does a retired Olympic sprinter have in common with Bernie Sanders? He quit running."

"What do you call an Italian hooker? A pastatute"

"A guy walks into a psychiatrists office... ...wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts""."

"[Jewish Joke] What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall? They break their nose. (note - I'm Jewish so this is OK)"

"Studys show that 76.5% of statistics are made up."

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool? Fucked"

"What's the difference between a hockey player and my exgirlfriend? A hockey player will shower after 3 periods"

"What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night? Morgue Attendant"

"Friend: ""Hey, want me to get out my didgeridoo so I can play for you?"" I'd rather you didgerididn't."