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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a hockey player and my exgirlfriend? A hockey player will shower after 3 periods"

"What do you get when Hulk holds the American Flag? The Star Spangled Banner!"

"Scientists announce porpoises are second to man in intelligence levels. So that pushes women down to third place. Sorry"

"I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who took time out of her or his busy schedule to tell me, ""omg you look like hell."""

"How to celebrate 4/20 Guide your newborn son into becoming an evil dictator and slaughter most of the Jewish population."

"To prepare her for real life I make my daughter pretend to tweet on a toy phone when she's taking a crap."

"I want to start a cafe and fill it with surrealist paintings. I'll call it Salvador Deli."

"I got a sweater for Christmas... ...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer. From: Jerry ""The King"" Lawler"""

"Don't trust anyone who wants to ""get you out of your comfort zone."" Why would you ever want to leave something called a comfort zone?!"

"Quasimodo walks into a pub Goes up to the bar and asks for a scotch whiskey. Barman asks ""bells alright?"" Quasimodo snaps ""mind your own fucking business"""