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Joke of the Day

"one of the last times I got really mad was in a parking lot when a single clown got out of an enormous van"

"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling"

"What kind of parents are see-through? Transparence!"

"FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that's easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president."

"I wanted to have dinner before 8:30pm. So I told my wife that I absolutely needed it by 7:30pm."

"I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think"

"You auto complete me."

"Whenever I'm getting off a plane I like to go up to the pilot, lean in really close and whisper ""I had my phone on that whole time."""

"What did the car said to the valet? I've been through a lot."

"Are you a sword smith? Because you sure know how to make long hard stabbing objects. (Pickup line)"