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Joke of the Day

"FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that's easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president."

"What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns? Go for the juggler"

"Ladies, I don't understand this childish obsession with unicorns. The horn isn't there for shits and giggles. They spear and kill shit."

"What do you call a really nice retard? A sweet potato"

"How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle? Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed."

"Why does Edward Woodwood have four D's in his name? Because otherwise his name would be E-war Woo-woo."

"My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food."

"If you're French in the bedroom, and Italian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? European!"

"The Best Way to Enjoy a Good Wine is to First Open the Bottle and Allow it to Breathe. Then if it does not look like it is breathing, give it mouth to mouth."

"If I enjoy drawing black people, does that make me a furry?"