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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Santa Clause have any kids? He only comes once a year"

"There's both a McDonald's and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life."

"I went to the doctor last week for a bad headache When he reached for his pen to write my prescription, he pulled out a rectal thermometer. ""Shit"", he said, ""Some asshole has my pen."""

"A friend asked how I'd describe a hot air balloon, and I just told him it's a lot like my ex, but with a basket."

"HUNDRED DOLLAR IDEA: Go to an ATM. Withdraw $100."

"The kids are asking why I'm wearing sunglasses in the house today. Spiked their morning OJ with vodka so we are on the same page."

"I'm so smart, I've got more brains than... Kurt Cobain's ceiling"

"A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store."

"There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones, But alas it twas in vein."

"Scientists have discovered the number one food that kills a woman's sex drive Wedding cake"