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Joke of the Day

"How do you organize a space party? You planet."

"Never Trust an Atom. They make up everything!"

"""Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed."""

"I promised my trainer that I'd set a gym schedule I would commit to regularly. So, now every time there's a lunar eclipse I work out."

"ME: Hmm. My biggest weakness? Tough question. I guess some people say I'm delusional UBER DRIVER: I didn't say anything"

"How in the hell do people spell your name wrong on facebook when it's right in front of them?!"

"[camping] ""Dad I'm afraid a raccoon is gonna come in my tent and eat me"" -don't be silly. It'll probably be a bear. Sleep tight."

"What did the ireshmen say to the beer ? I love you....."

"Girls with huge boobs will never know if they're really interesting."

"I personally don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis."