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Joke of the Day

"""Nothing is certain, except death and taxis."" Don't you mean ""ta-- *gets run over by a cab*"

"when girls are mad at you they go on twitter and rt something that is the exact reason they're mad...they find it in under a minute too"

"Two wizards in a car were driving along and the police were chasing them for speeding. One said ""What are we going to do?"" The other replied ""Quick turn the car into a side street."""

"I was going to make a subreddit about middle children today, But then I realised everyone would just forget about it."

"I knew someone who died in a skydiving accident. Their funeral wreath was in the shape of a parachute. After all, that's what they would've wanted."

"There has been a bomb explode in Scandanavia? There's Norway i would sink Oslo as to think of a joke for that."

"A baby mosquito had just returned after his first flight. Daddy mosquito asked, ""So, son, how did it feel?"" The baby mosquito replied, ""Wow, Dad, it was wonderful. Everyone was clapping for me!"""

"there is literally nothing i care enough about to go on a hunger strike"

"My wife and I were very happy for 20 years..... But then we met."

"I've always wanted to get in an accident with someone who has the same exact car as me. MY NECK HURTS! WHO GIVES A FUCK THIS IS COOL!"