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Joke of the Day
"""Nothing is certain, except death and taxis."" Don't you mean ""ta-- *gets run over by a cab*"
Next Joke
"Your mom is temporarily in read-only mode due to heavy traffic. The joke is Reddit's servers. Get it together!"
"Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want."
"Canadian bird watching is pretty depressing... It's hard to see these birds all aloon."
"Did you hear about that vampire that's never tasted blood? It's a little irony"
"1. What do you call a man with a flamethrower? 2. What do you call his first victim? 3. What do you call his second victim? 1. Bernie 2. Crispin 3. Ash"
"How do deer get revenge? By giving each other a taste of their own venison"
"I've got a long history of suicide in my family; the good news is it skips a generation... so if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves."
"How many pandas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Technically, just two, but it is really hard to get them to breed in captivity."
"Girl are you a gorilla exhibit? Cause I wanna throw a child in you"