208917

Joke of the Day

"I knew someone who died in a skydiving accident. Their funeral wreath was in the shape of a parachute. After all, that's what they would've wanted."

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"Lost an electron Really gotta keep an ion them."
"People ask me ""Why are you single? You're attractive, intelligent, and have an amazing personality"". My response: ""I'm overqualified""."
"What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis? Daeshcams"
"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents."
"After a long day at work, I like to spend time at home with my liquor cabinet oh and my wife I guess and that thing that poops."
"My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god I had to explain that Buddha isn't Greek."
"I accidentally swallowed some scrabble pieces. My next shit could spell disaster."
"[in DM] She: Don't talk like that. Me: With my thumbs?"
"I haven't made egg jokes in a while I thought I'd take a crack at them"