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Joke of the Day

"when girls are mad at you they go on twitter and rt something that is the exact reason they're mad...they find it in under a minute too"

"Don't be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem."

"I could never marry a tennis line judge... They always point out your faults."

"What do you call a destroyed bomb shelter in Poland? A helter-skelter Hitler shelter."

"when i'm stressed i close my eyes and imagine i'm on a beach, neurotically pacing back & forth within a very small section of that beach"

"Damn girl are you sitting on a F5 key? Cos' that ass is refreshing"

"Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs."

"If girls were as nice to each other in real life as they are in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be."

"JESUS: I shall turn water to wine JUDAS: Actually wine is 85% water so that's only 15% miracle JESUS: This is literally the WORST betrayal"

"i hate when the news guys say ""our nation's capital"". stop jerking us around and tell us what city it is"