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Joke of the Day

"I bought the mask Jigsaw wears in the movie 'SAW' just so that if a robber ever breaks into my house he'll know he made a fucking mistake."

"angel of God: mary u shall give birth to the son of God himself & he shall be named Jesus & shall die on a cross mary: i have a boyfriend"

"Hey baby, I'm a power source, and you're the kind of resistor i'd like to deliver my load to."

"How many ears does Mr. Spock have? Three; a left ear, a right ear and the final front ear."

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes, Whack! Damn! And a skydiver go Damn! Whack!"

"I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I'm on it and that's not what's happening."

"I went to buy a Christmas tree today The cashier asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I reply, ""No you sick fuck I'll be putting it up in my living room!"""

"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"Sorry I misunderstood BYOB, what should I do with this buffalo?"

"Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality."