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Joke of the Day

"Dessert police! Open up! *breaks down door* Freeze! Cake it easy man, I'm Pudding you in Custardy! ""Ugh, well isn't this just Flantastic."""

"whats brown and... What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt."

"What was John Locke's favorite beer? Natty Rights"

"Mondays are made for booze & antidepressants...ah hell, I'll just skip to the booze."

"A group of the best ISIS fighters mistakingly kidnapped Chuck Norris When they realized who they had, they beheaded each other"

"Daughter: Dad, can I have some Kit Kat for my snack tonight? Me: Absolutely not D: Why? M: Because I said so D: Because you ate them? M: Yes"

"What do you call a gay alcoholic? Liqourace."

"How can you tell vampirism is a disease? On account of the coffin."

"Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall"

"[homeless guy walks up to me at the park] ""what are you doing inside my house?"""