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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a gay alcoholic? Liqourace."
Next Joke
"Been reading about instinctive behaviors. Apparently, my natural reaction to seeing an attractive woman is a Fixed Action Pattern (in short, FAP)."
"You know, if I had a dollar for every time someone under 30 stole a joke from my generation... Then I would be able to afford to fund the pension that the government stole from me."
"what do you get when you give chimp bluetooth? Chimp handsfree"
"What do you get when cross religion with apples? Apple Jews."
"Dear NFL: Super Bowl. I'll just let them process this a little bit. They should do something by the time I'm up tomorrow."
"Fact - If you add ""ish"" to your time, like 9:00ish, you're never late for anything"
"If Yoda were to do a Chicken impression... If Yoda were to do a Chicken impression and say Cock-a-doodle-doo. Would he be asking someone to draw a penis?"
"[filling out job application] Race: Barbarian"
"Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?"