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Joke of the Day

"Joe, why haven't you tossed your hat in the ring for the presidential election? I'm Biden my time."

"I swear if one more person RT's poetry into my TL I will draw a bath, light some candles, and just get lost in the verse's haunting imagery."

"How do you get a one armed man out of a tree? Wave to him"

"Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, ""A 3-way?"" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise."

"You know what's a job I could really see myself doing? Mirror inspector."

"I bet The Flintstones make those guys at PETA furious."

"ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories"

"We would tease Jacob because he had glasses. Once we pulled them of him, but then he began to tease us because we had glasses."

"sorry i'm still an undecided voter, but it's hard to pick just one when I love them both so very very much"

"I've spent the past few months looking for my ex-boyfriends' killer but no one will do it."