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Joke of the Day

"Valentine's Day is nothing but a commercialized holiday created by pharmaceutical companies to get lonely singles to buy antidepressants."

"Can't wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal."

"Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments ""Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"""

"Tip for drowning your enemies: Paint pictures of people yawning on the bottom of their swimming pool."

"Can anyone recommend a good website where people I knew in high school post pics of their meals?"

"GOD: hey my son is broken, he won't absolve the sins of mankind IT GUY: try turning him off, waiting 3 days, then turning him back on again"

"I lost my job as a massage therapist. Apparently, I rub people the wrong way."

"fyi, drug mule does not mean youll be getting stoned and riding around on a donkey... worst first day ever"

"What do Lumber jacks do in China? Chop sticks!"

"The reason Rhianna stopped working with Chris Brown was because he had awful rhythm... He put too many beats in a measure"