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Joke of the Day

"Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics? Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States."

"Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway."

"HR: What are some of your strengths? Me: Shifting the blame HR: That's a horrible reply Me: No, your question was! HR: Wow, you're good!"

"What do you call a small byte? A nibble."

"What do you call a group that has gotten nothing done since the 90s The UN"

"How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!"

"The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto."

"*First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive."

"What's the difference between r/showerthoughts and Jaden Smith's twitter? Capitalization."

"Was tempted to commit suicide last night... So I bought a semi-automatic rifle and shot up a school. (p.s. for those asking, I did in fact drink their blood)"