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Joke of the Day

"DM:You're so hot, wanna Skype? Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka? DM: ME:hello...you there"

"I hate when i'm trying to blow out birthday candles and little kids try to do it with me excuse u it's not ur birthday so take a step back"

"I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20."

"My doctor said I have high cholesterol Because my dick is too fat"

"How do you tell a joke about ISIS? It's all about the execution"

"Where does an ape sleep? In an apricot."

"Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly? It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank. Everyone loses."

"A fish hits a wall ... Dam wall!!"

"how many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but they'll give 'em four credits for it."

"Irony Is getting pregnant on a pull out couch"