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Joke of the Day

"DM:You're so hot, wanna Skype? Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka? DM: ME:hello...you there"

"How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? You just call me..."

"My grandfather once told me 'When i was your age, I thought I was going to be 10 all my life too. So I said 'And when I was your age, I didn't believe in reincarnation either'."

"""I piss off a lot of deaf people when I talk"" -Italians"

"What would people call Ryan Lochte if he went to jail? Ryan Locht-up"

"Why did the poor dog chase his own tail ? He was trying to make both ends meet !"

"Who called them potatoes & not the motherchip."

"I was suspicious that big multinational chemical corporation was up to no good, but then I saw that green cartoon leaf in its logo. Whew!"

"I hate gingerbread. If I owned a bakery, I wouldn't tolerate gingerbread. I'd be like, ""Get outta here, you redhead. Your money isn't good here."""

"I have been feeling down on my karma lately.. so I bought a horse and named her Karma. Upvotes for me and Karma-horse."