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Joke of the Day

"To say Nirvana wasn't the most influential early 90s band would be... A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial..."

"Why did the anorexic cow take great offense when the farmer wished him Merry Christmas? ...because he was a moo-slim."

"If there was an award for being the laziest guy ever I would send someone else to get it for me."

"ME: Have you seen my denim jacket? GF: No, but it's okay. Just checked the weather & it's not going to be the 1980s today..."

"When your boss says ""you're getting a little behind,"" he won't appreciate it when you wink and say ""been working out-thanks for noticing."""

"I caught my friend watching gay Cuban porn last night... It was called Juan on Juan."

"If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to."

"""This is NPR."" Yeah, we know. You just spent the past 4 minutes whispering the news over a jazz saxophone solo."

"I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokeStops... a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke edit: whoops, rip inbox. don't get sucked in by priests, kiddies."

"Do you know how a suicide wank works? You just shoot yourself in the face!"