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Joke of the Day

"ME: Have you seen my denim jacket? GF: No, but it's okay. Just checked the weather & it's not going to be the 1980s today..."

"Tom Cruise has signed on for Mission Impossible IV. His impossible mission is trying not to show up on everyone's gaydar."

"I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal"

"Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet."

"What's the worst part about being gay? You cant think straight."

"Operator: 911, what's your emergency. Me: I'm 33 and I tried to do a cartwheel."

"Dad asks his kids what the third planet from the sun is called? Kids: - Earth! Dad: - Yeah, but it has another name. Kids: - Oh, dad. We don't know! Tell us! Dad: - Exactly! [drops mic]"

"What happened to the Japanese Senator with Erectile Dis-function that didn't get enough votes this year. He rost the erection."

"""Would the owner of a blue PT Cruiser with license plate 'CRUZIN' please park your car 300 miles from here and kill yourself? Thank you."""

"I'm starving. I haven't eaten all year."